Identify, Understand, React: Becoming Empathetic, Not Emotional

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes | Published on: 7 June 2017

You’re probably not alone if you’ve ever witnessed a friend, coworker, or even loved one who’s more emotional than others. Maybe you immediately thought they weren’t cut out for a fast-paced, high-pressure job. Labelling these folks as weak or overly sensitive is easy when you’re focused on getting things done and being productive. After all, who wants to get caught up in an emotional whirlwind when there’s work to do?

But let’s hit pause for a second.

Could it be that dismissing or overlooking these open displays of emotion is doing more harm than good? When you don’t acknowledge the feelings of your colleagues. you might be inadvertently damaging your career, relationships, and even your own well-being. Some members of your team may seem less engaged or appear disgruntled with you. Could it be because you’ve approached their emotions with dispassion or strict logic, which may have come off as cold or unfeeling?

Becoming Empathetic, Not Emotional

We’re not saying you should dive headfirst into the emotional deep end whenever you interact with someone. But it’s crucial to find a healthy balance, and that starts with developing an essential skill: empathy. Empathy can be a game-changer in the business world, helping you establish your role, negotiate effectively, and navigate life’s challenges more easily. So, what exactly is empathy? At its core, empathy is about understanding someone else’s feelings and experiences from their perspective.

It’s about seeing the world through their eyes. Developing empathy involves three key stages: identification, understanding, and reaction.

Identification: This stage involves observing subtle differences in others’ behaviours. To cultivate empathy, you need to start by learning to identify others’ emotions. This might seem like a no-brainer, but reading subtle signs such as changes in body language, posture, facial expressions, breathing, and vocal tone takes practice. These cues can provide valuable insights into others’ emotional states.

  1. Understanding: Once you’ve identified someone’s emotions, the next step is comprehending their origin. You can begin asking thoughtful questions to understand their perspective and show genuine interest in their feelings. This deeper understanding allows you to connect with them more meaningfully.
  2. Reaction: Once you’ve understood others’ emotions, it’s essential to react in a way that matches their energy level. For instance, greeting someone who’s feeling low with over-the-top enthusiasm can come across as insensitive. Instead, aim to meet them where they are emotionally and guide them toward a more positive space at their own pace.

This three-step approach—Identification, Understanding, and Reaction—is all part of being an Engaging Executive and an empathetic leader. Of course, becoming empathetic isn’t always as easy as it sounds. It requires conscious effort and self-awareness. Start by paying closer attention to how you communicate with your colleagues and how they respond. If you’re open to learning and growing, you’ll quickly see the benefits of fostering empathy in your work relationships. My Amazon best-selling book, ENGAGE, offers practical tips and strategies for honing empathy. As you start implementing these ideas, you will likely notice improvements in trust, respect, and rapport with your colleagues. By encouraging open communication and creating a safe space for collaboration, you can reduce workplace tensions and nurture a culture of creativity.

One powerful method for practicing empathy is the “Perceptual Positions Process.” This technique allows you to better understand others’ perspectives by putting yourself in their shoes—literally and metaphorically. If you’re interested in exploring this approach further, you can read more about it here.