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You’ve heard all through your career, and probably even your life, that first impressions matter. It’s why eager students take extra care to get ready before the first day of school. It’s why the first date is the most nerve-wracking of all, as you determine whether or not there actually will be a second date. However, first impressions in the workplace can be the most rewarding or detrimental, whether you’re interviewing for a new position, starting a new career or just being brought on to a new project.

The eyes aren’t called “the window to the soul” for just any old reason. A deeper connection is made when you look someone in the eyes and, unfortunately, that connection can make some individuals feel awkward, nervous or downright squirmy. Those who are less socially confident are often very uncomfortable when trying to maintain eye contact. This may not seem like a big issue — after all, how important can it really be? Isn’t it just an antiquated rule that doesn’t really mean that much when it comes to your career, particularly if you’re good at your job?

If you’re having a difficult time understanding when, where and how to employ empathy in your workplace, you may not realise how easy it is to recognise a lack of empathy in offices all around the globe, regardless of industry.

It’s not an uncommon issue, so you’re definitely not alone. You see a coworker or friend or even loved one that’s a little more emotional than others, and your mind automatically deems them as weak, or unfit for a truly mentally strenuous, fast-paced, demanding career. You’ve probably come upon many such people throughout your life and simply thought, “I don’t have time for that,” and gone about your business. After all, why would you want to get sucked into an emotional spiral? You’ve got work to do! You’re a serious professional! You want to get the job done, now, and not waste time with petty emotions…right?

One of my clients—let’s call him George, for our story’s purpose—came to me with absolutely abhorrent storytelling skills. Give his coworkers the choice between watching paint dry in the conference room, and listening to another one of his PowerPoint presentations, and every single one of them would most assuredly pick the former. When George came to me, he was preparing for a large presentation at an upcoming conference. His supervisors would be there, he’d have a large audience and he wanted to make a great impression. He knew his storytelling skills weren’t the best—he’d certainly seen the looks in his coworkers’ eyes whenever he took the stage—so he sought out some coaching in this department.

Have you ever been telling a story, and you can slowly watch your listener’s eyes glaze over, or even move to focus on something else in the room? Their mind is wandering off, and you could be calmly telling them that their hair was on fire, and they wouldn’t even hear? Then, when their attention does finally come back to you, they haven’t heard a word you said, and they missed the story completely? Maybe it’s not that your listener is rude…maybe it’s that your story is boring.

The Pull style simply is a way to influence your listener (or, in many cases your colleagues and coworkers), by “pulling” them in the direction you want them to go, through a series of carefully constructed questions. Rather than pushing them in the intended direction through commands and assertive behaviour, you’re gently guiding them in a friendly, unobtrusive manner.

Part of being an Engaging Executive is being able to guide your colleagues in the directions you want them to take, planting yourself as their leader. In other words, you want to be able to positively influence them in such a way that also positively affects your own career and goals. There are several different modes of influencing those around you, but one that’s particularly useful to the Engaging Executive is the “Pull” style.

You may think that you’re too set in your career ways to change at this point, that if you’re already more on the reserved side at work, or if you don’t necessarily get along with your coworkers, that there’s no hope. However, you should be happy to know that’s not the case! Even though we all prefer to learn new skills in different ways (maybe you’re more of a visual learner, or an experiential learner), we all follow a basic set of behavioural patterns when picking up a new skill, whether it’s becoming a pro at small talk, or enhancing our leadership qualities. It doesn’t matter how you come to the realisation that your interpersonal skills could do with an upgrade. Maybe you were passed over for a promotion, even if you are technically proficient in your role? Maybe you received some uncomfortable feedback from your manager? Maybe you saw lesser-qualified people getting up the ladder quicker? Whatever happened, you’re suddenly aware that you need to learn some new tricks, and this is a great place to be, full of opportunity and a willingness to change your life.

As an individual who works in a technical field, you may say you have no problems with socialising. However, there’s a big difference between being an Engaging Executive, and just having enough social skills here and there to scoot by, get the job and lay low. For many STEM worker they don’t have what it takes to get that awesome promotion, or to lead their peers who aren’t so technically-minded, or to just be influencers within the organisation.